Vacation

Hello from Southern California!

D and I are here for a long weekend since one of my good friends from vet school got married yesterday.

Friday we went to Disney's California Adventure, which was fun. Today we went to the Getty Museum. Gorgeous buildings and gardens but the art is generally not my cup of tea. There was a lot of medieval and religious artwork - I prefer more modern artists. There was a really great visiting photography exhibit however. Tomorrow we're going to Disneyland and then back home.

This week our hospital will start being open later on Mondays too. I will now work Monday - Thursday and every other Saturday (yay!) I haven't spent much time with the new doctor so no opinion yet. I really hope they are easy to work with because I'll be spending a ton of time with them!

2nd Opinions

I've had a few 2nd opinion appointments lately - some for skin issues, some for (ugh) internal medicine issues.

Sometimes I want to scream "Really?! You really expect ME, who has been a doctor for only 16 months, to provide a second opinion?! Are you high?!"

Appointments like that scare the beejesus out of me. I feel like such an imposter.

Farewell, old friend

Our old lady kitty went downhill quickly over the past few days and we let her go this morning. My colleagues were amazingly supportive and compassionate. They let me just be "mom" and not a doctor for which I am so grateful.

I had a lot of things on my to do list today (working 10 days straight means many other tasks pile up), but I don't think I'll get to many of them. I'm too tired and too sad right now.

The Longest Day

Last Wednesday was pretty rough. This was not a typical day for me. Here were my appointments:

- Puppy with vaginal discharge after her spay last week (no, I didn't perform it) whose owner was freaking out. Looked like puppy vaginitis.
- Newly adopted rescue dog, just preventive care. Fairly straightforward.
- Eye recheck for a dog with red irritated eyes, improved but not resolved.
- Rechecks for kittens who had upper respiratory infections, now resolved.
- Dog with recurring urinary tract infections, unable to get urine since she went just before her appointment.
- Dog with horrible skin issues (a breed who is notorious for severe allergies) whose owner repeatedly declines workup, changes the dog's diet frequently without consulting us, and sometimes forgets flea preventative then wonders why the dog's skin is always messed up. Repeat my speech on dog allergies for the 3rd? 4th? 100th? time with that client.
- Dog who needs vaccines but the owners have no idea what he needs or when he last had vaccines. They sat there with their arms folded across their chest as though I was supposed to use my magic psychic powers to figure that out.
- Ancient dog with 7-8 major problems and an owner with no money who wants to chat about everything that *could* be done for the dog but that they won't do for the dog. This appointment set me behind schedule by about 15-20 minutes.
- Dog ear infection recheck. I'm only allocated 20 minutes because it's a recheck appointment but hey doc, the dog is limping now too, could you check that out in less time than you usually have for a new problem?
- Itchy cat recheck. Owner just changed to limited ingredient diet and has been keeping all cats on monthly flea preventative. Say a silent thanks for this client because they are awesome.
- Recheck of cat being pet sitted by owner's EXTREMELY high-strung and rude daughter. Ugh.
- Wellness exam for a grumpy cat whose owner is pretty awesome.
- 30 minutes before closing emergency hit by car stray kitten who is 95% dead. Have to help it the rest of the way.

I came home, had a beer, and cried.

Ultramarathon

Scratch that previous post. My colleague is sick so I'm working this afternoon to cover them. That's day 7 in a row and by Thursday it will be 10 days in a row.

I like my job but this is getting ridiculous.

Marathon

I survived this week!

6 days in a row:

Tuesday - volunteered at the shelter in the morning, then went to work for a full shift
Wednesday - worked and had a crazy draining day (more about that later)
Thursday - worked
Friday - covered one of the other doctor's shifts at work
Saturday - worked
Today - worked my very last vaccine clinic (YAY!!!)

Unfortunately I only have tomorrow off and then it's back to work again for 3 days - including that mastiff puppy spay on Thursday.

Starting surgery (again)

I've been getting 1-2 surgeries per week fairly regularly at work now, which has been nice. The past 2 weeks I've had 1 kitten spay with 1 kitten neuter. I have the same on the schedule this week, and then next week ...

... a mastiff puppy spay.

I vomit a little in my mouth every time I think about it. As long as one of the boss doctors is in the building at the time I should be fine. I seem to be able to tackle tougher surgeries if there's a senior doctor on site, even if they don't scrub in. There is comfort (and confidence) in knowing that help is available, even if you don't use it.*

*Key point that ex-hairdresser-practice manager at my old job never understood!

Down time

As a veterinarian your entire day is spent interacting with people - coworkers, clients, and colleagues at other hospitals. As an introverted veterinarian, this is completely exhausting - especially when one or more of the people you deal with is, shall we say, high-maintenance.

It's REALLY important to recharge, otherwise you will completely burn out.

For the past month or so I've been teetering on that red line, so to speak. Between traveling, working extra days at the vaccine clinic, and taking care of household tasks, I'm pretty near fried. As a result my old friend anxiety is starting to show up again as that non-specific clenching in my gut.

I've been trying to force myself to do less - clean less frequently, not spend so much time reading veterinary-related material (the number of emails and journals I get is overwhelming sometimes), and do things like just watch mindless TV or just sit outside on the patio.

Let me tell you, this is HARD to do. My mind keeps coming up with endless things that I *should* be doing instead of relaxing. There is literally no end to the things you could learn in medicine, or the things you could clean or organize in a home. I'm the kid who earned ALL the merit badges possible in Girl Scouts because I wanted to finish, dammit, so intentionally saying no to doing extra feels like slacking.

Here are some things that I did/am doing to help:
- Quit the vaccine clinic (I have one more day and then I'm done). The extra money isn't worth the stress.
- Asking D to do more things around the house that I normally take care of (get groceries, vacuum, etc.)
- I am thinking about hiring a housekeeper. D is worried about someone having access to the house when we are away, so I could have them come clean while I am home.
- Also thinking about hiring pest control services to spray the perimeter of the home periodically so that I don't have to battle the near-monthly ant invasions
- Bought a season pass to my favorite ski resort

Hopefully I can get back on track. I'm terrified of getting as burned out as I did at the corporate practice.