Farewell, old friend

Our old lady kitty went downhill quickly over the past few days and we let her go this morning. My colleagues were amazingly supportive and compassionate. They let me just be "mom" and not a doctor for which I am so grateful.

I had a lot of things on my to do list today (working 10 days straight means many other tasks pile up), but I don't think I'll get to many of them. I'm too tired and too sad right now.

The Longest Day

Last Wednesday was pretty rough. This was not a typical day for me. Here were my appointments:

- Puppy with vaginal discharge after her spay last week (no, I didn't perform it) whose owner was freaking out. Looked like puppy vaginitis.
- Newly adopted rescue dog, just preventive care. Fairly straightforward.
- Eye recheck for a dog with red irritated eyes, improved but not resolved.
- Rechecks for kittens who had upper respiratory infections, now resolved.
- Dog with recurring urinary tract infections, unable to get urine since she went just before her appointment.
- Dog with horrible skin issues (a breed who is notorious for severe allergies) whose owner repeatedly declines workup, changes the dog's diet frequently without consulting us, and sometimes forgets flea preventative then wonders why the dog's skin is always messed up. Repeat my speech on dog allergies for the 3rd? 4th? 100th? time with that client.
- Dog who needs vaccines but the owners have no idea what he needs or when he last had vaccines. They sat there with their arms folded across their chest as though I was supposed to use my magic psychic powers to figure that out.
- Ancient dog with 7-8 major problems and an owner with no money who wants to chat about everything that *could* be done for the dog but that they won't do for the dog. This appointment set me behind schedule by about 15-20 minutes.
- Dog ear infection recheck. I'm only allocated 20 minutes because it's a recheck appointment but hey doc, the dog is limping now too, could you check that out in less time than you usually have for a new problem?
- Itchy cat recheck. Owner just changed to limited ingredient diet and has been keeping all cats on monthly flea preventative. Say a silent thanks for this client because they are awesome.
- Recheck of cat being pet sitted by owner's EXTREMELY high-strung and rude daughter. Ugh.
- Wellness exam for a grumpy cat whose owner is pretty awesome.
- 30 minutes before closing emergency hit by car stray kitten who is 95% dead. Have to help it the rest of the way.

I came home, had a beer, and cried.

The worst disease

Today I euthanized a 4 month old kitten who had FIP, like my foster kitty Reggie did.

I'm sorry little guy.
I'm sorry that your life was cut short by a horrible fatal illness which can neither be predicted nor stopped.
I'm sorry that you didn't get to spend more time with your people who loved you to pieces.
I'm sorry that you never got a chance to grow into a grumpy old man cat along with your adopted kitten sister.
I hope you know that all our hearts are breaking a little from losing you.
I hope you enjoy running around with all the other kitty angels and eating all of the chicken and steak and cheese that you want.

Grim

This week was rough. I'd estimate that 25% of my appointments ended up with the clients crying - either because I euthanized their pet or I gave them a cancer diagnosis. That's a pretty high percentage when you're not an emergency doctor!

I've also got my first client who I suspect is mentally ill and it has been exhausting for everyone who has dealt with them. Fortunately Dr. Boss is calling them later today and we'll see what comes of that.

Thankfully I have the rest of the weekend to unwind. Think I might have a beer!

Good at death?

It seems as though the best compliments and thanks I get from clients are my euthanasia cases. I'm not sure why that is - maybe it's the same reason why oncologists seem to have very grateful and nice clients?
Perhaps the clients have accepted what is going to happen. Maybe they appreciate that I explain what is going to happen, explain again as it happens, and ask them if they're ready for each step. Maybe there's something about having gone through it myself as a client multiple times that makes me more empathetic - I'm not really sure. All I know is that I've received positive Yelp reviews, really nice thank-you cards, or profuse verbal thanks from just about all of my euthanasia cases.
It's a running joke with my friends from veterinary school now - that I'm "good at death."